As future leaders and inventors we need to be able to to decide and base decisions on our values and what is important to us.
I plug the earphones into my ears and scan through the covers to find the perfect song to match my mood. I find it, tap the button and begin to enjoy the sweetness of music. The Ipod is a priced enjoyment(~$150).
Sitten around, laughing, eating having fun around a seven foot fire. The fun in laughing until it feels like you've done the hardest ab workout inb the world. Getting beyond full then keep on eating cause you just have to finish those last couple marshmallows. The stories of all the other times youve hung out and done stupid stuff.
Both things bring enjoyment in thier own way. Yet for me this is an easy descion to make. I believe that hanging out with friends beats a portable song anyday of the week.
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Josh seems to be saying that value is based on priceless moments not things that you can put a price tag on. He is comparing his ipod to time that he spends with his friends eating marshmallows and sitting around the fire. He would choose his freinds over his ipod any day of the week.
ReplyDeleteout of the two items the time spent with friends is described more. not much more but more. he tells about eating marshmallows and laughing by the fire wich is apparently seven feet tall. to me it just sounds like a fun time.
In the essay the best part is the description of time spent with his friends. It is good because it puts a picture in my mind about whats going on. It makes me wish that i was there.
LENGTH!! This essay needs to be longer. It could easily have more informatiopn in it. Elaborate on things. The introduction i think should be longer than one scentence. THe essay has potential but needs to be longer and have more information
I. Josh says that he values pricelss moments more than things that hold financial value. He says he values his iPod and the time he spends around a fire with his friends. However in the end the time he spends laughing and eating marshmellows with friends is more vaulable than his iPod.
ReplyDeleteII. Josh does not vividly describe either thing he values, but he describes the fire better than his iPod. "Getting beyond full then keep on eating cause you just have to finish those last couple marshmallows." I think this is pretty descriptive.
III. One of the essays overall strengths is his introduction. It's a good start that makes a good point. However I think it should be extended. And maybe ask some questions to get the reader thinking.
IV. This is a good start, but it really needs to be lengthened; it is way too short. You should add better detail, desribe more, and also you should explain each thing you value in a first person story.
Josh seems to base value more on what doesn't have a price as opposed to what you can put a price on. He values both items but thinks that time with friends is more important. He thinks actual relationships are more important than just portable music.
ReplyDeleteThere was not a lot of description in this essay. The fire was better described than the iPod though. It gives the reader more of a visual image of sitting around a fire with friends eating marshmallows.
I liked your essay's opening. It just needs extension. Provide more details and concepts to stimulate the reader's mind. You have a good hook, just extend it with more.
Your essay is really short. It's only about 150-175 words. You should elaborate on why these items have value to you. It wouldn't be that hard to provide more detail, as you already have some basic good points.